Another post was about balance and how it doesn’t mean that you have to balance each individual day into equal and exact parts. Just that you have to balance it out over the long haul. John Assaraf once told me that there will be times that we have to focus on a particular goal and it may seem to dominate our time - that doesn’t mean we’re out of balance as long as we turn our focus back to the other aspects of our life once that goal is completed. In my case that was devoting my full attention to training for the marathon, now I’m back to the rest of my life.

I’ll have to end on a note I didn’t see coming.. I really dislike that part of life sometimes - at least at first. Eventually I settle in, find my lesson and move on as much as I can. Sometimes it takes much longer than others.

I went to Colorado for a family gathering and for some much needed down-time. While I was there, I received a call that one of my aunts passed away. My Aunt was from the side of the family that raised me and the side that is dwindling rapidly. The celebration of life took place before I was able to get back for it, although I was able to come to terms with it in my own way. That was last Wednesday. Today, a week later, I received a message that still has me reeling.

My Uncle Frank was our family patriarch, historian and caregiver. He was the glue that held us all together regardless of how old we were. He was a WWII vet who served in counter-intelligence, and at 89 was still living on his own and mowing his own lawn! Up until a few years ago he was walking more than a few miles a day - his physician asked him to slow down. He’s one of the people that I’ve admired the most over the years. He was still very active socially and had beaten heart attacks, congested valves, and got a kick out of the fact that his pacemaker sometimes set off security alarms. He had a sense of humor that comes from appreciating life and all its bumps and quirks.

Yesterday, I lost my uncle to of all things, a car accident. His car was T-boned and unfortunately this time he didn’t pull through. I’m still in shock, dazed and it all seems very surreal. I feel like a melted clock in a Dali painting. I expected a midnight phone call telling me to come home, or racing the clock to get there in time. I prepared for a hospital visit or a quiet goodbye.


As life will have it, I was not prepared for this. At this point it just feels senseless. I am, however, eternally grateful that a couple of years ago when we lost another close family member, I wrote my Uncle Frank a letter. In it, I told him how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. I thanked him for everything he had done for all of us over the years. I can’t begin to tell you how much peace that single act has given me today and how much it meant to my uncle when he received it. It doesn’t make the loss hurt any less, but it does give me peace of mind that my uncle knew what he meant to me and how much I appreciated him. It’s my quiet reminder to anyone reading to take the following quote to heart.

Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time… It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other.”
Leo F. Buscaglia

One of the most important gifts we can give ourselves is the ability to be grateful for what we DO have, especially in the toughest of times. The ability to steer your attention to the positive things in your life doesn’t mean being a Pollyanna or living in a state of denial, it’s a learned skill that will change your brain chemistry, energy, and the way you interact with others.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
~ Melody Beattie ~

As I fall asleep tonight, my thoughts will be that:

• Although a dear friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, I am forever grateful that it was caught at the earliest stage.
• My mom in law lost her battle with leukemia in January yet I am thankful that I am healthy enough to participate in a marathon that will raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society while allowing me to honor her life.
• I am surrounded by wonderful friends and family who are helping me meet the above goal and are who are the best people I could ever hope to have in my life during good times and bad.
• Our schedules at this time of the year make it much harder for all of us to sit at the table for dinner but it’s something we all work at and want to do. I am grateful for the love and laughter when we are together - especially the times that make me laugh so hard it brings tears.
• Even though my dog has been having seizures, the worst case scenarios have been ruled out and she’s on medication to control them.
• Interruptions keep me from finishing my book as quickly as I would like, but wouldn’t trade the fullness that those “interruptions” bring. They are the chapters of my life.

While it’s sometimes a struggle to carve out the time to post , I am grateful for each and every person that stops by – I hope that you can take what serves you best from it. I wish you a lifetime of happiness, gratitude and abundance.

For one day of the year, as a nation, we focus on our loved ones. Everywhere you turn there is an abundance of hearts and flowers, candy, cards, and gifts of every kind. All attention is focused on the special person in your life. The next day we wake up and perhaps start to fall back into old habits. The “I love you’s” and sugar coated sentiments are behind us and “real life” comes back into motion. Why?

Our relationships like anything else in our lives are victims of habit, good and bad. Habits are much like an addiction – defined as something we can’t stop doing. All of the days, months and years we spend thinking and acting in a certain way eventually get programmed into our brain – literally. We create neural pathways that can lead to habitual negative views and reactions to our loved ones. Ever have the same old arguments with the same old results? You feel yourself falling into it, your head tells you to stop yet you can’t, you get sucked into the energy of the moment and go down that well traveled path to nowhere.

Is it possible to stop? Yes, most definitely. You will have to work at it though. Just like that well worn path, it took a long time to become that way and it will take focused effort to move it in a new direction. It may sound cheesy to some, but visualization - also known as “mental rehearsal” can work miracles. It’s a well documented tool used in training athletes for peak performance. That peak performance isn’t limited to sports or physical activity; it can be anything you want to achieve – including a better relationship.

Try visualizing the desired outcome to your age old argument. What is it that you would love to say (that’s positive) if you weren’t caught up in the moment of the argument? How would you like to see your partner respond? What would you say in turn? See it in your mind, and let yourself feel the emotion as if it were really happening.

Keep repeating this process every chance you get. You are literally changing the neural pathways of your brain. Practiced consistently, the next time you start to engage in that same old argument, you will have developed new patterns of thinking and a new response. Done faithfully, you will end up with your desired result.

Remember, you need to change the way you are feeling, thinking and responding. The goal is NOT to change your partner. The change will occur when you change YOUR pattern of thinking and reacting. It’s a great way to keep the Valentines Day mentality going all year long. Reprogram the bad habits with good ones, your relationship could depend on it.

I have asthma and even though I am active and walk on a regular basis, this distance while trying to make good time, will be a stretch for me. I’ve signed up through Team in Training and am looking forward to the kick-off tonight along with the official start of training on Saturday.

While I still grieve the loss, taking action and fundraising to help find a cure for leukemia and other blood cancers allows me to focus on something positive while stretching my own personal boundaries. I’m looking forward to participating in a worthy cause and would love your support along the way. The donation is 100% tax deductible and any amount helps. Corporate sponsorships are welcome!

On January 3rd, I received a call letting me know that my beloved mom-in-law passed away. I was originally going to say that she lost her three-year battle to leukemia but I think it’s far more accurate to say that she won her wish to live her life the way she intended to for as long as possible.

This vibrant and courageous woman who also happened to be a breast cancer survivor, was every bit a “mom” to me — not an “in law”.  I’ll miss her incredibly even though I realize so much from our relationship will always remain. From the beginning, she always treated me, and made me feel as though I were her daughter by birth. We had a bond that grew deeply over a period of seventeen and a half years.

The first time we ever met, I was afraid she was going to see my hands shaking or hear my knees knocking but in five minutes, I felt as though we’d known each other a lifetime. She was always gracious yet said exactly what was on her mind –one of the few people I’ve met who was completely comfortable in their own skin. Whether you agreed or disagreed with something she said, you loved her for who she was and she always loved you back.

Our last visit was much like our first, filled with laughter and happiness. She was at home and feeling well enough to join my husband, sister in law, father in law and myself for lunch at her favorite restaurant. She was in rare form and when our visit ended we hugged goodbye as we always did. That memory or a great conversation by phone is how I know she’d want us to remember her. We received the call three days after that visit.

The essence of what I share with you on this blog boils down to your mindset — which effects how you approach life, how you react to change and how you “reframe” your views. These things all determine how you view your life and all of its infinite possibilities. Only you are in your head and only you control those thoughts and views.

You could look at the situation and see it as unfair and be consumed with anger and sorrow over what was taken away or lost rather than the greatness of what was experienced during a lifetime. It might even be easier to fall into that thinking if you had lost as many people as I have in my lifetime. A different mindset allows you to see the beauty in each encounter with another human being. Whether the relationship ends due to death or some other separation, I believe each and every one of those encounters leaves us with the gift of a lesson.  It’s up to you to find each lesson. Perhaps it’s unconditional love, compassion, forgiveness, or perhaps acceptance.  It doesn’t mean that you won’t mourn the loss, simply that you’ll also be able to see the gain.

“What we have once enjoyed
we can never lose.

All that we love deeply becomes part of us”

Helen Keller

Problems…and Happiness

I love the life I have now.   At various time, it  felt like I had insurmountable problems. I dealt with each one with the same set of results Tony talks about in the video. Each one of those circumstances ultimately led to a decision and to  the life I am living today. What you experience in life is very much how you “frame” that experience. More on that later.

I’m sure you’ve noticed some changes to this site. I’m in the process of updating it and working on a new layout and content that will hopefully provide you with the tools you need to start 2009 on a positive note. I know it’s been a tough year for many, but what you do right now will be critical to what happens next year. This holds true both personally and professionally.

I’ve decided to update this site over time rather than trying to get it perfect and unveil a brand new site overnight. Life usually doesn’t work that way. It’s a series of small consistent changes that most often leads you to something new and exciting. Start today. Go do that thing you’ve been putting off, who knows what exciting new things it will lead to..

I was teenager when the first few cases of AIDS were identified in the U.S. in 1981. During those early days, much was unknown and misinformation was rampant. I don’t recall AIDS awareness or prevention being taught in our school system as it thankfully has been in my children’s. Even though this generation has never known a world without AIDS, we still need programs in place that will reach our children before they start experimenting with sex, alcohol and drugs and the less commonly associated opportunity for transmission – tattooing and piercing in establishments that don’t follow safe sterilization procedures.

Over two decades and countless lives later, there is still no “cure” for AIDS. We’ve made progress in available treatments, yet many literally cannot afford to live. We desperately need your help to fight this disease, and today, I am asking for just that. Please help support the AIDS foundation of your choice by donating or volunteering. By now, either you or someone you know has lost a loved one to AIDS. I’ve listed a few organizations below that could use your support as well as additional sources for AIDS/HIV awareness.

Donations/Volunteering:

AIDS Health

Pediatric AIDS Foundation

Help Chidren with AIDS

Until There’s a Cure

Elton John AIDS Foundation

Educational/Informational Sites:

World AIDS Day

California Department of Health AIDS/HIV

This is a very short post on my way out. Last week my husband and I celebrated our 15th anniversary and in  a few short hours we’re heading off to Vietnam for a little R&R and to our quest of living life to it’s fullest. I’m sure we’ll come back with plenty of stories and pictures to share.

In the meantime, remember to be fully present in each moment, and do something that makes you smile each day. Will be back in a couple of weeks!