Where habits are formed

“First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you.” Dr. Rob Gilbert

Are you reinforcing habits that no longer serve you? I didn’t think I was until I woke up this morning and realized that I was tired – and that I was tired yesterday and the day before too. Hmm. Physically, I’m fine. I’ve had a check-up pretty recently and my health is great.

My sleep patterns however are in serious need of a make-over. There have been way too many nights in my life where I go to bed at two in the morning and have to wake up at 5:30. I’ve been this way my entire life. The only difference is that when I was younger, I could get by on a few hours of sleep and wake up feeling refreshed. Now, not so much.

I’ve told myself and anyone who’s questioned my sanity that I’m both a night owl and morning person. The reality is that while I may be – my body is starting to rebel. It’s new for me to wake up feeling tired. It’s not low iron (which I have and take supplements for), it’s not diet or exercise, I have a very healthy lifestyle. My body is finally telling me “enough”.

For years, I’ve trained myself to believe that I didn’t need much sleep, that it didn’t affect me, and that I was much more productive sleeping as little as possible. I’ve decided that I really don’t like the way I feel when I don’t get enough sleep, and it’s time to do something about it. As I type this, I peek over to the bottom right of my screen. The clock reads 10:27 p.m. typically; this is when my second wind begins. Tonight however, it’s when I will start to wind down.

Is there anything in your life that’s become a habit that no longer serves you? What are you doing to change it? I’d love to know!

No, I haven’t completely lost my mind. I know Valentines Day is over, that’s actually the point of this post.. The flowers are starting to fade and wither and the cards and gifts are already becoming a distant memory. So what are you doing to keep the Valentines Day mindset?

For one day of the year, as a nation, we focus on our loved ones. Everywhere you turn there is an abundance of hearts and flowers, candy, cards, and gifts of every kind. All attention is focused on the special person in your life. The next day we wake up and perhaps start to fall back into old habits. The “I love you’s” and sugar coated sentiments are behind us and “real life” comes back into motion. Why?

Our relationships like anything else in our lives are victims of habit, good and bad. Habits are much like an addiction – defined as something we can’t stop doing. All of the days, months and years we spend thinking and acting in a certain way eventually get programmed into our brain – literally. We create neural pathways that can lead to habitual negative views and reactions to our loved ones. Ever have the same old arguments with the same old results? You feel yourself falling into it, your head tells you to stop yet you can’t, you get sucked into the energy of the moment and go down that well traveled path to nowhere.

Is it possible to stop? Yes, most definitely. You will have to work at it though. Just like that well worn path, it took a long time to become that way and it will take focused effort to move it in a new direction. It may sound cheesy to some, but visualization – also known as “mental rehearsal” can work miracles. It’s a well documented tool used in training athletes for peak performance. That peak performance isn’t limited to sports or physical activity; it can be anything you want to achieve – including a better relationship.

Try visualizing the desired outcome to your age old argument. What is it that you would love to say (that’s positive) if you weren’t caught up in the moment of the argument? How would you like to see your partner respond? What would you say in turn? See it in your mind, and let yourself feel the emotion as if it were really happening.

Keep repeating this process every chance you get. You are literally changing the neural pathways of your brain. Practiced consistently, the next time you start to engage in that same old argument, you will have developed new patterns of thinking and a new response. Done faithfully, you will end up with your desired result.

Remember, you need to change the way you are feeling, thinking and responding. The goal is NOT to change your partner. The change will occur when you change YOUR pattern of thinking and reacting. It’s a great way to keep the Valentines Day mentality going all year long. Reprogram the bad habits with good ones, your relationship could depend on it.