Sadly, today we say goodbye to an icon – Steve Jobs.  Whether you’re a Mac or PC person, it’s hard to argue what an amazing visionary Steve was. His passion was apparent in all he did and his charisma was a reflection of that.

As a tribute to him, I’m sharing this video of his commencement speech at Stanford. Please make the time to watch it; it’s a very worthy reminder of how to live your life fully. His words and views of death struck a chord with with me, as it has been the deaths of my loved ones that have had the greatest impact on how I choose to live.

Two quotes that I loved:

“Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

What are you doing to let your inner voice shine?

“How you do anything is how you do everything.”
T. Harv Eker

All we wanted to do was buy a faucet. We had a pretty good idea of what we wanted and went to a big box “home improvement” store to get it. We were tired and hoping for a quick in and out trip. No such luck..

We walked in, headed towards plumbing and started to look for the faucet. There was another couple in the aisle, who pretty much walked in front of us and started bickering over which faucet to get.  Since they didn’t lower their voice, I know she consults her mom on such things and he thinks her mom is a psycho. He liked the tall faucet, she was worried about splashing. He didn’t like what he heard, and stormed down the aisle with a disgusted “FINE, I’m done”.  She managed to call him back and they continued their bickering which then progressed to arguing.

By this time my husband and I were looking at each other and then the couple and then each other again. I’m mouthing the words, “I wish they would leave so we could look in peace.”

Good grief. If you can bring that much drama into the plumbing aisle over a faucet, what the heck does the rest of your life look like? What storm cloud surrounds you at home, at work, in aisle ten?  We didn’t even know these people and they managed to interrupt our evening. We walked around until they left so we could shop in peace. How sad that a ten minute encounter with someone leaves you feeling drained and in search of peace. I’m sure they had no clue how their lives spilled over to complete strangers.

On the flipside, other visits have found us chatting with a total stranger that felt like an old friend who actually made our evening more pleasant for having met them. I definitely prefer shopping (and life) in the drama-free zone.  Have you had these kinds of encounters? Did you say anything?

As my half-marathon approaches I think of my Mom in Law  who was my inspiration for running. I wrote this while I was healing from her death.

The Little Blue Box

A Tiffany heart necklace sits regally inside the little blue box. My husband and I gave it to my mom-in-law (mom) for her 75th birthday. She was in remission from leukemia. That year I wanted to give her something out of the ordinary – she was a very out of the ordinary woman and I loved her dearly.  We searched and searched but nothing ever seemed quite right. We decided to stop by Tiffany’s on a whim and it was there that we finally found something that spoke to us – what a better gift than to give her our heart.

Today as I opened the box there was still a faint smell of her favorite perfume. It made me smile and get teary-eyed all at once. I took out the small heart, still without its engraving. It took so long to find the perfect gift that we weren’t able to get it engraved in time for her birthday, but we gave it to her with the promise that the next time she came to San Diego, I would have it engraved.

I’ll never forget the look on her face as she unwrapped the gift and saw the little blue box. The look of surprise on her face was absolutely priceless and is forever ingrained in my memory. For a moment there was no thought of remission or disease, just enjoyment.  Once she put the necklace on, she never took it off other than when it was required for x-rays.

We had a great visit in January of 2009. She was no longer in remission but her only complaint was that when she had her last set of x-rays the Tech made her take off her necklace and the chain became tangled. It lay crumpled on a table next to her. I picked it up and silently began to work on it throughout our visit. The chain was so small and delicate that I was afraid I would break one of the links. Mom noticed my struggle and said “it’s ok Hon, I’ll do it later”.  After losing so many people I’ve developed a real aversion to the word “later” – or maybe I’m just stubborn. At some point I finally untangled the chain and Mom asked if I would please put it on her.  I was as happy to have untangled it as she was to be wearing it again.

Four days later, I received a call letting me know that she passed away unexpectedly. At her celebration of life, my sister-in-law handed me a little blue box. She let me know that Mom was wearing it when she passed away and knew that she would want me to have it. I’d been able to maintain my composure until that moment. I flashed back to untangling the chain and in the midst of my pain I also felt a tiny bit of peace.

In June of 2009 year I completed my first marathon. It was to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma society and I did it to honor Mom’s life. I’m not a runner by any stretch of the imagination and have asthma so it was a challenge but nothing compared to the challenge she had with Leukemia. The little blue box sat on my dresser since the day it was given to me. I was going to engrave it but when I opened the box all I could smell was her perfume. I didn’t want to take it in because I knew they would clean it and I would lose that tiny but powerful connection.  I hadn’t wanted to wear it because at that time it just didn’t feel right, I’m not really even quite sure why. One day before the race I passed the little blue box and smiled. I knew exactly what I was going to do.

The morning of the race finally came. I put on my running clothes, walked up to the dresser and picked up the little blue box.  I took off the lid and opened the small leather pouch. The fading smell of mom’s perfume slowly drifted towards me. This time it didn’t make me sad, it gave me comfort. I put the heart on my own chain next to a smoky topaz pendant she gave me long before she became ill. For me, those two pieces felt like the blending of our time together, the happy times and the struggle with leukemia. I wanted to have her with me as I crossed the finish line. On Mile 26 as the finish line was in sight, I reached for the necklace and held it tight as I silently said “I love you and miss you mom, this one’s for you”.

In June of 2010, I ran a half-marathon in Moms memory and will again this June 5th, 2011. This year will be in her memory and in honor of my friend Craig who is currently battling Hodgkins Lymphoma (blood cancer). It’s my way of doing something positive to honor mom’s life and Craig’s battle while helping others.

2011 – New Year, New goals, same challenge with procrastination. When I say procrastination sucks, I mean it will literally suck the energy, momentum and life right out of you. It’s been my Achilles heel for as long as I can remember. Most of the time it’s just a horrible habit that feeds my somewhat twisted enjoyment of working under pressure. The adrenaline rush of beating the clock to get something done. I’ll easily pull through a pressure situation and feed the chaos I created for myself with a false sense of accomplishment. Sound familiar?

Most of the time, it just means a self imposed adrenaline rush. Today it cost me something I really wanted and I am trying not to kick myself too hard or too many times over it. I’m telling myself to use it as fuel for getting past this procrastination habit. That’s all it is, a bad habit, one I’m more than ready to kick. I juggle multiple projects, am writing a book, training for the Rock n Roll half marathon, work full time, am launching a new site all while maintaining a decent balance with my family of two boys, a husband, house and two dogs. I get all the hard stuff done, but buying two tickets to a symposium I really want to attend – that’s the stuff that kills me, the simple stuff!

The symposium’s keynote speaker, Peter Shankman, is someone that I admire and respect greatly. He’s a brilliant entrepreneur, speaker, and adventurist among a zillion other things and loves to live life to its fullest. I share his enthusiasm for life, running and doing. Thanks to answering a query in his “baby” HARO, I was in a Family Circle article about moms who did something daring. In my instance, I went skydiving with my son on his eighteenth birthday, something I could get addicted to in a heartbeat. Coincidentally, Peter is an avid skydiver. He’s been my inspiration for many years, for many reasons. His 2011 challenge and the fact that my procrastination blew my opportunity for my son and I to see him as a keynote speaker this Friday are the reason for this post. His challenge is different than mine, yet it seems as we’re both ready to make a change. He is authentic and honest and I respect and relate to the rawness in his posts.

I have huge goals and procrastination has no place in helping me achieve any of them. If you share this Achilles heel – please do something today that you have been putting off. No matter how small, give yourself a success today. Repeat tomorrow until a new habit forms – one that will take you to great places in 2011.

Just a short post to say farewell to a man who became the epitiome of living life. Because of his fame, he fought his battle with cancer in the public eye.  With grace and dignity, Patrick found a way to battle his disease while pursuing his dreams and passion to the very end. The most important gift Patrick gave us was the reminder to live life to the fullest each and every day.

Choreographer Kenny Ortega had this to say “Patrick loved life, and had such an enthusiasm for everything he did. If he could climb it, he climbed it. If he could write it, he wrote it. If he could dance it, well, we all know he did. He lived.”

If I’ve learned nothing else in life from the deaths of many friends and family, it is to always live life to the fullest, relentlessly pursue your passions, be kind to others along the way, always be present in the moment and leave this world better than you found it.

For more on Patrick’s life.

I was so prepared to start 2009 on top of my game, my “stop making resolutions” musings were waiting for me to hit the post button, I was happy, rested and into the full swing of a new year.

On January 3rd, I received a call letting me know that my beloved mom-in-law passed away. I was originally going to say that she lost her three-year battle to leukemia but I think it’s far more accurate to say that she won her wish to live her life the way she intended to for as long as possible.

This vibrant and courageous woman who also happened to be a breast cancer survivor, was every bit a “mom” to me — not an “in law”.  I’ll miss her incredibly even though I realize so much from our relationship will always remain. From the beginning, she always treated me, and made me feel as though I were her daughter by birth. We had a bond that grew deeply over a period of seventeen and a half years.

The first time we ever met, I was afraid she was going to see my hands shaking or hear my knees knocking but in five minutes, I felt as though we’d known each other a lifetime. She was always gracious yet said exactly what was on her mind –one of the few people I’ve met who was completely comfortable in their own skin. Whether you agreed or disagreed with something she said, you loved her for who she was and she always loved you back.

Our last visit was much like our first, filled with laughter and happiness. She was at home and feeling well enough to join my husband, sister in law, father in law and myself for lunch at her favorite restaurant. She was in rare form and when our visit ended we hugged goodbye as we always did. That memory or a great conversation by phone is how I know she’d want us to remember her. We received the call three days after that visit.

The essence of what I share with you on this blog boils down to your mindset — which effects how you approach life, how you react to change and how you “reframe” your views. These things all determine how you view your life and all of its infinite possibilities. Only you are in your head and only you control those thoughts and views.

You could look at the situation and see it as unfair and be consumed with anger and sorrow over what was taken away or lost rather than the greatness of what was experienced during a lifetime. It might even be easier to fall into that thinking if you had lost as many people as I have in my lifetime. A different mindset allows you to see the beauty in each encounter with another human being. Whether the relationship ends due to death or some other separation, I believe each and every one of those encounters leaves us with the gift of a lesson.  It’s up to you to find each lesson. Perhaps it’s unconditional love, compassion, forgiveness, or perhaps acceptance.  It doesn’t mean that you won’t mourn the loss, simply that you’ll also be able to see the gain.

“What we have once enjoyed
we can never lose.

All that we love deeply becomes part of us”

Helen Keller

Yes  we felt the earthquake in San Diego, and yes we’re ok – thank you for thinking of us. For those of you going home from Comic-Con, we just wanted to give ya a little excitement on the way out!  I was on the first floor of a two story building and the windows rattled and the wall shook enough to let me know that it was bigger than a 3.0

My in-laws (who are real family, not “in-law” family) live in L.A. and endured the Northridge quake in ’94. My first thought was that it was a strong quake and wanted to make sure everyone was ok. I researched it online first, as the Northridge quake taught me not to tie up the phone lines in case people needed to call out because of emergencies.

Everyone is fine and it’s a great reminder that your whole world can literally be shaken up in a second.  Are you “ok” with everyone you love right now? Is there anything that needs to be said? Have you told them you love them and appreciate them lately? Life can change in an instant. Make sure you’re prepared in every way.

Randy Pausch: October 23, 1960 – July 24, 2008
 
If you haven’t watched this video, please make the time to watch it. If you have watched it, make the time to watch it again, and then give yourself the gift of living as Randy Pausch did. Not just waking up every morning and getting on the hamster wheel of life, but really living and being present in each moment.

Jason Lee Miller of WebProNews recently asked “whats the point of twitter?” http://www.webpronews.com/topnews/2008/04/14/whats-the-point-of-twitter I love Jason’s integration of philosophy and technology. This same question could be applied to much of life and the answer could be just as simple…It’s whatever you make of it.